4 Dogs, a Couple and a House to Clean

My Life as a Sitcom

Did you ever watch that show, Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place?  My life is kind of like that show. Except, instead of a Pizza Place, there is a house to clean. Oh, and instead of two guys and a girl, it’s 4 dogs and a couple. That’s still the same, right? Basically, if my life was a sitcom it would last 4 episodes rather than 4 season… unless it got picked up by OCDtv, then it might have a chance. Is publishing a blog mentioning OCDtv enough to earn royalty rights if someone makes this type of TV channel in the future?

 

The Nitty Gritty

So let’s talk about cleaning. It sucks, right? You must understand that I am not a fan of cleaning. I have never been someone who finds it therapeutic or cathartic. Sometimes, I envy people who do like to clean. Almost, mostly I wonder whats wrong with those people. I blame my parents. Before I really can remember, my parents were divorced but if they had stayed together we definitely would have had the cleanest house on the block. My mother was the type of person that thought regular, weekly dusting, should involve a Q-tip and proper mopping actually involved mopping 3 times. While my father is a man that wanted to see perfectly straight lines on the carpet to confirm the room had been properly vacuumed. Clearly, both of them liked things clean. So although I despise cleaning, I’m pretty good at it.

Thank God for my clean- freak-neurotic parents! Yes, I blame them in one paragraph and thank them in the next. Get over it. They distilled a great hatred and loathing of cleaning but it is because of them that I know how to do it! Cleaning is essential when you have 4 dogs living under one roof. There is no such thing as a clean house when you live with 4 dogs. You are either cleaning or need to clean. Don’t believe me? Let’s look at the facts…

Fact #1

Fur has taken over the house. (Failed TV Show Idea #2: If the pilot for 4 Dogs, a Couple and a House to Clean does not take off, we can try Furrier Things, it will be like the Netflix series, Stranger Things, but instead of the upside down we will have the fur-side up) This is two days after we vacuumed and mopped. This is just what I swept up in the living room. ONE room! TWO Days! This is enough fur to make a small dog!

Did I mention that Paul is allergic to dog dander? We normally sweep or vacuum once a day or once every other day. We mop weekly, unless its raining all week. What’s the point if they will track in mud the moment we get someone to go out to pee? Occasionally, I will also spot-mop because Nala drinks by sticking her whole nose into the water bowl and then tracks half of the water she attempted to drink across the floor.

The picture to the left (or maybe above if you are reading this on mobile) is a rubber broom that we got at The Container Store. They sell similar ones (cheaper) on Amazon here. This thing is AMAZING! I love using it to get under the couches, rather than moving furniture every week. Who does that? Furniture moving should be reserved for Spring Cleaning only, in my opinion. Anyway, if you have dogs and any type of non-carpeted flooring, you NEED a rubber broom. It also works great at getting the fur out of your upholstery in the car, just use the squeegee side!

 

Fact #2

You cannot clean a room while a dog is in the room. Whether your dog is attempting to attack the vacuum or just stands up and shakes when you finish vacuuming a room, we all know that it is very difficult to clean while the dogs are home. When we return from vacation, I often set the pick up time as the afternoon of the following day. This allows us to clean in the morning before we go get the pack. What? Is cleaning the house not the way you prefer to end your vacations?

To the right is a picture of the pack looking oh-so-sad on cleaning day. Nala is in the back left, soaking up the sunshine. Hammy is the front left, moping while she watches mommy mopping. Tucker is front and center but avoiding the camera and Oso is to the right in the background looking to see if there are any crumbs to be found around the table. On this particular day, I was sectioning off rooms as I vacuumed and then mopped. Slowly, I cornered the dogs into the dining room and kitchen area (where their water bowls are) before letting them run in the back yard while I finished the floors in these areas too.

If adorable, sad faces had any cleaning powers, I would never need to clean again. In my reality, Fact #1 arose two days after this picture was captured. Essentially, the rest of the house was clean when this picture was taken, but only because the dogs had been barricaded outside the clean areas.

 

Fact #3

Clean laundry will be infected by dog hair as soon as it leaves the dryer. Nala loves clean laundry, as you can see. Why wouldn’t she? It’s soft and it smells nice! I like to joke with friends that dog hair is an accessory to my outfits and I prefer to refer to it as Pitbull Sparkles! The photo to the left is the exact reason why. I had set a clean pile of laundry on our bed to fold. In the middle of folding I had been sidetracked and left the room momentarily. Upon return, I found a Nala cuddled up with the clean laundry. This was less than 5 minutes! I admit, I get sidetracked often… more than most, even, but 5 minutes? Fold laundry immediately or be furry!

Please note: folded, clean laundry will be un-folded if left where Nala can cuddle up with it. Nala must dig to make a comfy nest. In addition, there is no such thing as a dog-proof-made-bed when Nala is around. She will make it cozy and comfy to her preferred specifications, whether you like it or not!

 

Fact or Fiction?

When someone tells me they are considering adding a dog to their home, whether it is the 2nd or the 8th, I like to ask them questions to make sure they have thoroughly thought this through. You may think I am exaggerating, but I want to assure you this is all fact with a hint of sarcasm to make things more palpable.  Although it is important to consider all responsibilities that come with owning/rescuing a dog, I want to be clear that I would not give up these dogs for the world! If you told me I would never have to clean, EVER AGAIN, but I could only keep one dog, you should expect to hear a four letter word followed by “off.” Dogs may turn out to be the only thing I’m lovingly willing to clean for (sorry Paul.)

 

What’s your fur factor?

How many fur children do you have in your home? What are your cleaning habits and obstacles?!

Posted on: October 30, 2017, by :

13 thoughts on “4 Dogs, a Couple and a House to Clean

  1. This made me laugh bc I can SO relate. Except one of my 4 is a border collie/lab mix that sheds more than a small dog EVERY day. Plus I have a cat. I sweep and/or vacuum daily and it still looks like I never clean. It’s enough to make you want to give up! lol. I giggled at the picture of your pups behind your bar stool barrier. I use that move when I mop the kitchen! lol They all line up and look miserable like I’m doing something fun and not letting them partake.

  2. I only have Layla and she does not shed, but Baby before her did and I remember it was the battle of the fur all the time LOL, so I know and understand how you feel but would not have it any other way. Thank God for Vacuum Cleaners and I used to also three times a week run over the floor with a wet cloth just in case 🙂

  3. Funny and something I think we can all relate to. It’s not that bad now because I have only 2 dogs, one doesn’t shed at all and one just a little. When I had 5 cats now that was a cleaning nightmare!! The worst was when people would come over and want to sit on the couch. I would clean it like crazy, shipping tape was a favourite, and I would pray they wouldn’t get any cat hair on their nice outfits! Company was a lot more stressful in those days, now they just have to walk around the pee pads.

  4. I only have 1 dog and 1 cat, but they shed like crazy and they both LOVE to shake themselves throughout the day to make sure nothing (such as fur) is sticking to them that shouldn’t be. I live in fear of someone mistaking a ball of loose fur for a puppy and trying to pick it up. Of course, if they did, I hope they would dispose of it properly once the case of mistaken identity was revealed. But it might make them think twice about dining at my house – fur as a condiment is definitely an acquired taste!

  5. As much as I ADORE my pets everything you said is true and more! Pets are a MAJOR responsibility – or at least they SHOULD be considered as such. Pets ARE family pure and simple! JUST like children. They should not be left alone for hours upon hours let alone days upon days. I could go on and on but getting off my soapbox, LOL the mess is real. I have cleaned so much pee off my floor and YES they ARE potty trained but as pets age just like humans, the bladder becomes weaker. Thank goodness we have hardwood floors. The hair is unstoppable etc and so on. So glad you spread awareness! Pets are to be cherished and loved – not just for human amusement.

  6. Too funny and so relatable! I have one dog and boy, can he make a mess! And he doesn’t even shed. I spend more time folding couch throws he messes up, toys he leaves around the house and while I’m not sure, but food he leaves around for the mice. Or maybe he’s hiding morsels to snack on later?

  7. It’s that time of year when all good dogs shed…mine is kind enough to shed into the slicker brush. I love the rubber broom too. Gusto still attacks the vacuum cleaner, the broom and the Swiffer so I have to wait until he is in another room taking a nap to clean up the fur and crumbs. Your pack is full of personality!

  8. LOL. Oh I remember those days. Especially laundry day. When Dusty (my cat) was alive, she used to hop on the bed as soon as I took out the hot clothes from the dryer and attempted to fold or make up the sheets on the bed. Poof! She was right there. Always a tricky situation avoiding fur. My tool of choice was rollers and swifters (in addition to broom/mop)

  9. I can definitely relate. I had a lot of fur with my previous Persian cat, but I had no idea how much fur there would be with two Persian cats. I’m trying to decide (whether I stay in my current home or buy a new one) if I want to get rid of all of the carpet in my house because the fur just gets buried in it.

    P.S. I hate house keeping!

  10. Didn’t you hear about the new sitcom with the talking dog, Martin? I came from a clean household too as my dad was retired military so my mom had no choice. Which I realized after he died she stopped cleaning. Cleaning the house with dogs is a nightmare as Taffy wants to help and Dolly and the cat are sleeping everywhere and I hate to disturb them. I’ve pretty well given up as it just gets dirty again. Sandra and Dolly

  11. Oooo, sign me up for Furrier Things! I binge watched season 2 of Stranger Things so I need a new show just like this one. My parents were also neurotically clean but fortunately or unfortunately I did NOT inherit that trait at all. I’m exhausted just reading an article on cleaning, LOL!! Luckily, I happen to have found a husband who is extremely neat & clean and doesn’t mind vacuuming, which I hate. I hate all cleaning pretty much, but with a Husky we have to broom & vacuum constantly. Thanks for that rubber broom recommendation, it looks like the perfect product to get under the furniture and scoop up the giant furballs! What a delightful post, so well written and humorous! It ain’t easy to make cleaning humorous!
    Love & Biscuits,
    Dogs Luv Us and We Luv Them

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